


His Last Vow Redone

by pauliestevens



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Goodbyes, Hidden Feelings, His Last Vow, M/M, plane scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 14:48:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1514378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pauliestevens/pseuds/pauliestevens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John and Sherlock's goodbye is a little more heartbreaking than it first seems</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Last Vow Redone

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT AN ORIGINAL SCENE IDEA
> 
> I took the goodbye scene from His Last Vow and added my own thoughts into it. Sorry if that bothers anyone, I was just testing!
> 
> Thanks for reading. Betareaders always welcome :)
> 
> tumblr: the-tardis-brings-hope

**John’s POV~**

We all stepped out of the car into the sunny afternoon. It was finally time to say goodbye to my best friend of the past few years. Throughout all the times of my wondering how it was going to end, Sherlock being exiled was never included. Not sure why. It’s always been a quite believable way to go for him, that’s for sure.

Mary was the first to work up the courage. She stepped quickly over, reaching out her arms.

“You will look after him for me, won’t you?” Sherlock pecked her on the cheek while wrapping his long arms around her.

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep him in trouble.” She smiled through the tears that were building in her eyes. I could tell that they had built a strong connection over the time we’d spent together.

“That’s my girl.” He smiled sadly back at her. He turned to Mycroft, who had been silently watching the exchange from behind Sherlock.

“Since this is likely to be the last conversation I’ll have with John Watson, would you mind if we took a moment?” His tone of voice suggested that it wasn’t a question. Mycroft’s eyebrows raised a fraction of an inch up his forehead. He continued peering at Sherlock before motioning for his bodyguard and Mary to follow him.

This is what I had been dreading since I learned he was leaving. Sherlock had changed me in so many ways, and never seeing him again was something unfathomable. My life would go back to the boring mundane thing it had been before. Sherlock kept me guessing. No more midnight clue hunting, or following people based on a hunch Sherlock had. I smiled to myself remembering how amazingly fun all these adventures had been. Even with Mary, things just wouldn’t be the same.

“So here we are.” I began the conversation. Better to get this over with then to drag it out. It’s plenty painful as it is, and I’d rather not cry in front of him. I could feel the tears threatening from just behind my eyelids. I cleared my throat to try and chase them away. Sherlock broke me out of my thoughts.

“William Sherlock Scott Holmes.”

“Sorry?”

“That’s the whole of it. If you’re looking for baby names.” Of course he would try and lighten the mood. He was always so good at sensing my emotions. If it wasn’t Sherlock, I would guess that he was holding back tears as well. But who am I kidding. This exchange is probably just formality. This would never affect him as much as it’s affecting me. He’s never loved me the way I’ve loved him all along.

**Sherlock’s POV~**

This is the most painful experience I’ve ever had to go through. John’s barely controlled tears were coaxing tears from me as well. I definitely can’t let that happen. I have to separate myself from him as cleanly as I possibly can. He can’t have lingering memories of our time together. I’ve been so stupid, trying to convince myself that I would never get attached to him. It happened almost immediately, and I’ve just been lying to both him and me for the past years.

“No we’ve had a scan, we’re pretty sure it’s a girl.” he answered in response to my feeble joke. Trying to diffuse tension is another tough thing about this situation. I tried to express happiness for him and Mary, but it’s so hard. I smiled, trying to suppress the urge to hug him.

Mary and I had had many talks about my feelings for John. She had sensed them the second she met me. We both agree that it’s a wonder John hasn’t picked up on them, but he always has been quite blind towards those things.

“Oh.” I paused. “Okay.” The resulting silence left an opportunity to share with him all the thoughts that I’ve hidden from him. How I adore his little habits. How I’ve noticed that whenever he breaks up with any of his girlfriends he stays locked in his room with Doctor Who for three consecutive days. How if he’s in a bad mood the only thing that will bring him out of it is the Cherry Garcia Ben and Jerry’s they sell at the shop down the road (I’ve never commented on it, but seriously. I don’t know how he eats that stuff). How it’s all those little things that led to my biggest secret of all.

How much I love him.

“Yeah...yeah I can’t think of a single thing to say.”

“Neither can I.” He hesitates before the next thought. He leaned forward, and I restrained the automatic reflex to lean my face towards his, and to keep going until our lips touched for the first time. It’s thoughts like this that had gotten me into this mess. I need to better control myself in the future. It will only cause more pain in end.

“The game is over.” I heard all the things that he meant behind those words. Our team will never solve crimes again. I’ll never again wake up to him sitting in his chair and drinking coffee during ungodly hours of the night when he can’t sleep. I’ll never run down the streets with him in the middle of the night, watching as his face lights up with the prospect of adventure. He’s implying that we’re over.

“The game is never over, John,” I replied fiercely. “But there may be some new players now. That’s okay.”

We continued talking about meaningless things. Drawing out the pain. I wonder if this is as mindblowingly horrid for him as it is for me.

**John’s POV~**

I don’t think I can do this anymore. The look in his eyes when I said the game was over. It’s stuck with me through this whole conversation. I’ve watched his face closely, watching my words carefully to minimize the damage this conversation causes. It hurts to look at him and realize that this is the last time I’ll look into those gorgeous eyes. The last time I’ll lose myself in his voice, his laugh, his concentrated look. The last time I’ll watch the wind ruffle through his wonderfully curly locks, and have the urge to run my fingers through them. Sherlock chose that moment to break the silence.

“John there’s something I should say, I meant to say always, but never have.” My heart rate increases. The way his voice sounds... could it be? “Since it’s unlikely we’ll ever meet again, I might as well say it now.” The pause he took afterwards was the longest three seconds of my life. This could be the moment. The moment that all my fantasies come true. No matter how much I try to keep myself from thinking like this, there’s always the little part of my mind that believes that he could love me back. He takes a deep breath.

“Sherlock is actually a girl’s name.”

I turn away quickly and let out a mixture of a laugh and a sob. I need to stop bringing my hopes up like that. Tears spring to my eyes, and I quickly blink them away before turning back to him. The telltale signs of holding back tears are on his face as well. I try to hide my surprise at his display of emotion as I respond.

“It’s not,” I say, my voice quavering. His smile in response is the most depressed I’ve ever seen him.

“It was worth a try.” I actually laughed at that. This felt normal. We’ve bantered like this so many times it’s become natural.

“We’re not naming our daughter after you.”

“I think it would work.” He shoves his hand at me. “To the very best of times.”

I stare up at him, shocked. Is this it then? Is is officially over? I’d been hoping that we could just stay in this bubble indefinitely, just the two of us. I would have absolutely no objections to that situation. But throughout our times together, I’d forgotten.

Happy endings don’t get handed to people like me.

**Sherlock’s POV~**

My arm wobbles as I wait for John to take my hand. Fighting the need to hug him right now and feel his arms around me is draining my energy. Doing that would just jeopardize the relationship that I’m leaving us with, and I can’t do that to him. It’s better to let him think that I care less than I do than to hurt him in a different way.

Finally after what seems like three years he grabs my hand and shakes it once. It seems that this finally is goodbye. I turn away quickly before he can see my tears. I speed walk into the plane and collapse into my seat. Tears leak out of my eyes and down my face. I’m done trying to hold it back, and it’s not like anyone is coming on the plane with me. I sat on the opposite side of the plane from where John was standing so I wouldn’t have to see his face as I flew away.

I can’t believe I have to go on alone.

**John’s POV~**

I can’t believe he left me alone.

Not even a hug. I can’t believe he could possibly be that cruel when this was the last ever time we were going to see each other. It’s not like he would have to face me again.

At least now I finally know how he feels.

**Sherlock’s POV~**

After a few minutes of feeling bad for myself, the attendant for the plane walks over to me with a ringing phone in his hand. I’m really not in the mood for a phone call.

“Sir? It’s your brother.” Well that’s different. I wonder what he wants now.

“Mycroft.”

“Hello little brother.” That patronizing tone he always used with me frays my nerves. He thinks he’s so much better than me. “How’s the exile going?”

I quickly decided it would be best to hide my confusion behind hostility. “I’ve only been gone four minutes.” I tried to say it as crossly as possible, but I’m pretty sure he saw right through me.

“Well I certainly hope you’ve learned your lesson. As it turns out, you’re needed.” My heart jumped to my throat. If this was some kind of joke, I don’t think my nerves could take it. This could be my chance to be with John again. It’s strange how much I’ve missed him over these four minutes.

“Oh for God’s sake, make up your mind.” I tried to act nonchalant as I asked the next question. “Who needs me this time?” Mycroft hesitated.

“England.” He stated simply. A million and one questions were running through my head at once, but none of those mattered to me. Only one thought stuck out.

_I was going back to John._


End file.
